crushkilldestroy (redelephant) wrote,

my reason for being so fucked up, by jesse

I probably shouldn't allow replies to this,
but i will
i thought about something that happpened to me
6 or 7 years ago
that i hadn't thought about until today
it's the reason i'm so fucked up
it was around the time i started drinking every day
it was a horrible thing
i never told anyone
not even cara
maybe if i had things would be different
people would understand me
but i can't
it was so horrible i couldn't tell anyone
it involved me always getting drunk
and trying to prove my masculinity by fucking around with as many girls as possible
i'd never even kissed a girl by the time this happened
but i made up lies and stories stating that i had
soon after this i'd had sex
thinking that this would make me forget this horrible thing
and it did
for awhile
but once and awhile this "thing" returns to my thoughts
and i try and drink it away
and it works
and that is why i drink
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