December 19th, 2000

What if: Jesse wasn't such a loser?

You really don't realize how horrible a person you are until someone close to you tells you repeatedly on a regular basis.

In my dreams, I am not this person. I'm the person that I want to be. I'm with the person I want to be with. And I can never remember being so happy. I think this was the future I had been headed for for awhile now. But I always seemed to take a wrong turn somewhere along the way.

Now i have to live with the "what-if's" for the rest of my life. And I don't know if I can do that.
  • Current Music
    Rainer Maria: Made In Secret

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I should get drunk and write sad songs and record them. Anything to stop me from listening to Butterfly by Weezer or Cara's song...

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I wonder how much cash I could get for a cheap engagement ring. Or maybe I could just do an outright trade for beer. Any takers?
  • Current Music
    The Drunkards, The Night.

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I get to take back a shitload of cans tonight, so I can have some money to actually maybe go and do something, but we'll see how the evening transpires. Plans will fail, people ditch out. Nothing is ever in cement until the second it's happening. And no, I'm not talking about relationship crap for once, I'm talking about ROLLING WITH THE HOMIES.
  • Current Music
    Sleater Kinney-Dig Me Out