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Thursday, December 21st, 2000
5:25a - I am no one, I am nothing...
I think I fucked up my last chance. So much for being happy again. I know I entered this above as well, but fuck it. Or buttfuck it, if you'd prefer.

current mood: Fucked in the ass

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5:26a - I am no one, I am nothing...
I think I fucked up my last chance. So much for being happy again.

current mood: Fucked in the ass

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Why am I shitting out my insides? And why am I laughing about it? I'm shitting blood, and I laugh. I am SO FUCKING COOL.

Maybe Adie's right, maybe I have ebola.

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You tried your best, to pull me down and then explain "that's what friends are for"

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You know what? BoySetsFire have really put my emotions on display. And I hate to say that about a band. I feel like a 12 year old Britney Spears fan, instead if a 20 year old Britney Soears fan.

But, really though. How many sorry's does it take?

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8:32a - Nothing can ever erase...
I built this wall around my heart, to shut you out I've played my part. In this game that I thought was real, in this hate that I now feel. And if I ever fall again, will I just turn to the wind. Or let it cry away in pain,or let it fester and drive me insane? This cold dark place inside my mind, will keep me safe and far behind. SO you can never hurt me again.

I wish I wrote that, but I didn't

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And nothing can ever hurt me again.

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For some reason, the uh, cops showed up this morning to stop me from killing mysef. WHAT THE FUCK? I never said I was going to kill myself to anyone, and they wouldn't tell me who called.

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8:30p - An open letter to an ex-fiance...
I'd like to apologize for everything bad I have ever done to you. Especially what I did today.

I'm sorry.

But realize this Cara. You expect me to sit around all night alone while you go and hang out with your new "boyfriend".

Still, what I did was shitty. Even for me it was shitty. I know I fucked up my last chance to be with you. And that tears me up inside.

And everyone please, please leave Jason alone. He is not an evil person. I have met him, and I like the guy. He did nothing wrong. And I'm sorry for the things I said and did to him. This is the last you'll hear from me, Jason.

Good luck with the rest of your life, both of you. I'm sorry that I was the speedbump on your road to happiness (cheesey!).

And no, I wasn't smiling or laughing when I typed that. I'm in worse shape than ever.

current mood: If I knew the words...

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