My ass has been exploding nonstop. And not like, loud explosive earth shattering craparrhea. But like, baby poop looking feces that kind of looks like pudding.
If I had a girlfriend, she would surely leave me if she lived with me. I don't often have the poos I just got over the flu. But today my rectum is so torn and it burns even when I walk.
So, what I'm getting at is...who wants to be my girlfriend?